How To Get People To Like SHORT FUNNY JOKES

SHORT FUNNY JOKES

I thought I’d tell you a good time travel joke – but you didn't like it

Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common?
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A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.

My wife divorced me recently because I’m a compulsive gambler. All I can think about now is how to win her back.

How do you know the ocean greets you? -  It waves.

I was making Russian tea. Unfortunately I cannot fish the teabag out of the vodka bottle.

A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

What is grey and can't fly?
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A fat pigeon

Doctor says to his patient: "You have cancer and Alzheimer."
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Patient: "At least I don't have cancer."

Did you hear about the new movie constipation?
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[No]
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It hasn’t come out yet.

How do you rob a snowman?
-
With a hairdryer.

Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roast beef. Please call the manager! “

Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.”

Why did my washing machine stop pumping out water?
-
And more importantly, where is my hamster?

 Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?

Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.

Why is women’s soccer so rare?
-
It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.

I saw a girl crying, so I asked her “Where are your parents?” and she started crying even more.

Man, I love working at the orphanage.

What’s the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

“Between you and me it stinks in here”

Why do police get to protests early?

To beat the crowd.

What sounds like a sneeze and is made out of leather?

A shoe!

Coronavirus ruining your plans for 2020? Save them for 2022!

Cause 2022 is 2020 too.

My wife has evil lessons with Satan every week.

I don’t know how much she charges

Finland have just closed their borders.

Which means no one can cross the finish line

I guess China finally got what they wanted/

They managed to coronise the world.

I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth today.

Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.

Hi, I’m Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.

Neil before me

I told my therapist that I am having suicidal thoughts.

He now makes me pay in advance

The other day I told a girl, “You look great without glasses.”

Girl: “I don’t wear glasses.”

Me, while polishing my lenses: “No, but I do.”

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday?

Tell her a joke on Wednesday

I always knock on the fridge before I open it.

Just in case there’s a salad dressing.

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